watch out wolfgang puck

I'm in love with my George Foreman Grill. I came home last night absolutely famished. I looked in my fridge and freezer and, much to my dismay, found only fresh vegetables, eggs, and lean meat. I closed the doors and opened them again waiting for some magical food to appear prepared before my eyes. I repeated the door closing and opening several times before I realized that I would have to cook all the ab-tastic food I bought on Monday. I was also briefly saddened as I realized I could not eat a plate of sugar cookies drowned in hot chocolate topped with frozen pizza. Apparently, in a ab-obsessed fury, I had cleaned out my entire kitchen. Damn it.

I climbed on a ladder and dug out the grill I haven't seen in a couple years. It had been supporting a muffin pan and some random coffee cups in the cupboard since I moved into my apartment in February. I really hate touching raw meat, but I just had to suck it up. I dumped all the chicken breasts into a bowl and scowled as I ripped them apart to cut them. I sliced them and threw them on the hot grill and ... perfection. Absolutely amazing. I chopped up some salad stuff and threw this grilled chicken deliciousness on top and had that for dinner. Feeling impressed with myself, I decided to go for the ground chicken next.

Chicken burgers sounded great. I found a recipe, then changed it completely. I chopped up some red peppers, seasoned mushrooms [olive bar at Whole Foods], and a garlic clove. I dumped this all in a bowl with two eggs, a pound of ground chicken, ground black pepper and sea salt. I stirred all that goodness together and noticed it was pretty gooey so I added some oats. Yes, totally random but it held it together. I scooped just over 1/3 cup of this goo onto the grill twice and out came these tasty little nuggets of protein fantasticness.

At this point, I was so smitten with myself, my chopping skills, and the GFG that I couldn't contain my excitement. If ab sculpting food tasted this good, then my weapon-like abs might not be that far away. Maybe I would get my birthday wish before my birthday.

The next step is to practice this line: "You know, I don't have much of a sweet tooth. I have never really liked dessert". To have amazing abs, I must learn to lie to myself and others. This will not be too difficult. The power of self-manipulation is quite impressive. When you repeat the same thing enough, you actually believe yourself. It's fantastic.

Yes, I have been known to eat cookies for breakfast. But, we are not dealing with a Biggest Loser situation here. We are dealing with a I have been known to work out religiously and eat well sometimes, but other times eat whatever the hell I want and skip the gym for 5 weeks straight situation.

Now that I'm feeling motivated by the new love of my life [the grill], it's time to start thinking about the prescribed gym routine for the next four weeks.

Next time ... bleeding muscles and sweaty tears. It's going to be hot.